how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
