the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
