What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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