i think i have two assholes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so let's talk penis.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
