; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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