How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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