walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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