I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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