It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
