If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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