i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
