Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
