do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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