I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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