omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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