Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
