How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
