Come see our sink grown plant.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
