I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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