I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
