did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
