Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
