direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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