dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
