i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
