my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
