Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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