To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
