either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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