It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
