dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
