five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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