girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
