This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
