I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
