Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?