She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The beers last night were like the tears from god
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture