i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.