Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella