sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress