Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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