I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
