And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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