i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
