if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
