bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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