We're facebook friends in real life
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
