I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
