I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
