hotel room ftw
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
