I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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