Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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