piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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