just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
