I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
