yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
