We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize