I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
