I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Two words: blizzard sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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