Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
