I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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