come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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