I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.