I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
