he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch