do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.