At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
be right there i have to get my cape
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
