Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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