I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
