I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
