Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
