i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
