Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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