I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
