she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
