my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
