He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
