Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
